My Ponderings

Sometimes I wonder what I look like to other people.

I wonder if anyone can see who I actually am.

And I wonder what would happen if I killed myself. But, you know, you can't exactly test that out. Some people are so good looking, I wonder if it's even fair. And then I wonder, "Am I really ugly, or am I okay?" You can't really rely on people to tell you the answer to that. Your friends will say, "You're pretty!" just to cheer you up. Your enemies will say, "You're so ugly," just to make you mad. Some people make me mad. Because they're obviously really pretty, and they're just like, "Oh, no, I'm ugly."

EXCUSE ME? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

That is just incredibly rude. I don't say that I'm ugly. Because I honestly don't know.

When I went to camp, I really liked it there. Because this one girl said, "You're really pretty. Like, I"m not just saying that to be nice." That was good to hear.

But then I come back to school, and I'm like, "Honestly, I hate myself."

And then people will be like, "Oh, don't say that! You're beautiful."

EXCUSE ME? Are you saying that I hate myself because I think I'm ugly? Read that statement again. I never said that I was ugly, or that I thought I wasn't decent looking. I simply stated that I didn't really like myself at the moment.

So you know what that means to me?

That means you think I'm ugly. Because you assumed that I thought I was ugly, which means that's probably what you were thinking.

Are you guys following me here?

Do you understand me?

I don't. Because I really don't get myself sometimes. Today my friends were talking about all this they were going to have, going out with their friends to watch a movie, or just hang out. There is no hanging out in my world.

I was like, "Wow, I really hate people for never inviting me to stuff." Then I was like, "Wait, I never go anyway because I'm antisocial. So it wouldn't make any sense to invite me to anything." See? I'm confusing.

This post is going nowhere.